Sad from the inside

Warning:  This is not a happy blog… so all you that need an uplift …do not read.

Well I started this process with hope and the hope became a reality.  As our baby gross inside me I feel this is more real everyday.  I feel blessed to have been given such a gift… a baby.  I love her so much.  I want to have the perfect life and the perfect family for her.  I know this is not very realistic, so I can settle for just a family that will provide to the best they can.  but unfortunately things have gotten tense in the house and I feel the family part is falling apart.

I am sad, my partner is not happy.  She is happy about the baby, but not me.  There was a situation that happened that has caused her deep pain because I had told my mom something she did not want me to tell her.  There is a deeper story of my thought process of why I thought it was ok, but to her this was inexcusable so much so that if I were not pregnant she would be possibly leaving me.  This has left her detached from me and discontinue any loving feelings towards me.  From saying I love you to as simple as a hug with meaning in it.  She has even stop rubbing my belly.  This makes me sad, hurt, and cry.  I am scared and feel very alone.  I am walking around with my big belly and feeling not loved.  It is strange, the tone towards me is obvious of disappointment.  She does continue to ask if I need another pillow or medicine etc.  The most important part has been left out, Love.  I have result to asking my daughter to help with the normal pregnancy issues… tying my shoes, getting the water for the dogs because I cannot bend over.

What do I do at this point?  I can’t believe this is happening.  Everything was going so well and now not so much.  This has made me depressed and just plain unhappy.  As I wrote this blog I began crying and feeling the pain.  I did not realize how upset this has made me till I started typing it.  There are so many things that are going through my head right now, but I feel like this is the last part of my pregnancy that I want to enjoy with my partner and I cannot, instead I am depressed and experiencing the kicks, rolls, and hick ups all by myself.

I have posted a belly pic that I took today… I am 31 weeks and 2 days.  I am too lazy to proof read right now, sorry for any typos or any grammar errors.

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