Its been a tough few weeks with the typical morning sickness all day, tired, and of course the weight gain.  I have already gained 10lbs!  I am so hungry, even with being sick.  The good news is I am off the shots AND I have some Zofran left from the last pregnancy

Halloween was fun… Avery got a kick out of saying Hello and bye bye to all the trick or treater’s.  My oldest, well she is 13 going to be 14 and was off with her friends being a teenager.  So strange not to be cool in her eyes anymore… I am amazed at all the changes she is going through.  She is an amazing young lady, but she is a Teenager by definition.. rolling eyes and all.

Not sure if this could be true… sorry if this is TMI… Noticing that after “adult” time my morning sickness is gone for a good 12 hours.  My hormones are nutz!!  So weird, because last time there is no way I would even want to.  Ha!

We saw the doctor a few days back… 9week check.  All is good and you can see the baby’s hands and little feet .. little balls.  We see the baby making doctor one last time on Monday and then we graduate to the OBGYN!!  

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Went to the baby making Doctor and we got our second ultrasound… One very strong baby and we heard the heartbeat!!! 144bpm.  There is only one.. even with high betas and a shadow there is one.  Thank goodness… not sure how I would handle two and I know many of you do… Not sure if I could handle double breastfeeding!

I feeling pretty good.  Not sick like I was last time.  Queasy at times… Super tired all the time.  I feel like I need a 24hour nap.

beautiful!

With the scare last week we just could not get to Monday fast enough.

This weekend was very relaxing.  I actually took my monkey (oldest daughter) to an overnight stay at this really nice resort in Oxnard.  We had a good time just me and her.  I owed it to her for her amazing grades last year.  I asked her what she wanted as a reward and her answer was to spend a day with me!  Wanted it to happen over the summer, but just could not make it happen.  Micky put her foot down and said you need to do this now!  So I made it happen and it was fantastic, wish it could have been a little bit longer.

On Sunday I met Micky over at the Underwood Farms and it was Sooooo cool.  Too bad Little Miss had a meltdown and we could not stay long.  We met up with a Meetup group for the first time.  They are a LGBT group with children.  Way cool, first time meeting other lesbians with children too.  Hoping we can meet up again… when Little Miss is not so cranky.

Today is now Monday and we went to the doctors and got our first ultrasound and we have a HEARTBEAT!!  Everything looks good.  The doctor wants me to continue with the estrogen and progesterone injections.   Here is a picture of our hope to be/soon to be Bambino (a)…

Maybe 20 mins after I wrote my post yesterday… I went to the bathroom again and there was a blood clot that was about a quarter size.  I text Micky and said I am headed to the doctors.  I could not stress myself out by wondering if I just lost the baby.  I told Micky to call the office and let them know I decided I was going to come in to do blood.  

I was shaking and thought I was going to throw up.  I was so upset… thinking that it was all coming to an end.  The first and second beta meant nothing.  I guess it is not a sure thing getting those numbers.  I was on a major downward spiral.  Micky called me and was going to meet me at the doctors office even though I was just getting my blood drawn.  She talked to me the entire 45 long mins. it took me to get to the doctors.  The doctors office offered for me to get my blood drawn at a local lab, but I thought no you need to fix this … I am coming to you.  Stupid, I know.  The office called us while we were on our way and said the lab closes at 4:30 and we would not get our beta number till the next day… are we sure we still wanted to come there.  YES!!  I just felt like their lab would be the best and I needed comforting from the nurses.  I needed someone to tell me what was really going on.  If I was having a miscarriage what would I expect or is this the first signs.  I needed hope or I needed the real truth of what the hell was going on.

Once we got to the office everybody was soooooo nice and very positive.  That some women bleed and I guess several women on the Crinone were experiencing the same problems, but they were fine and they maintained the pregnancy.   As were getting the blood drawn the lab lady came by and probably saw the fear in my face.  She said I can run your blood today … you will know today.  It will take about 45mins!  Then she looked at the nurse and said to not draw a lot… she needed just a little to do the test.  Micky and I said “really??!!!???”  and then Thanked her a million times over.  Almost like she saved this pregnancy … as we all know that is not the answer.

Once we stepped out the Angel nurse that Micky and I LOVE… said lets switch you to the progesterone shot.  It seemed to calm things down in the other patients and she continued to tell us how she was not liking the results they are getting from the Crinone.  It is causing to many problems.  She asked me if I would be ok switching… I said YES… just fix this… save this baby that I have already started to love.  I know I should have not had my hopes up… but I did.

We left the office still on edge.  At this point I was only spotting and the blood was dark brown.  Still had cramping.  Angle nurse said that the cramping was ok and I had a lot going on down there.  We live about an hour away from the office so I drove home and Micky drove back to work.  I was not going to go back to work… I was a hot mess.

I got the call from the office on my way home and our beta was 3700!!!!  The nurse said they would expect it to be about 3200 and I was way above.  They are really happy with the number and take it easy and to call if I start bleeding heavy with heavy cramps!!  I am Jewish… but all I could think in my head at that moment is Hallelujah, Halle-freaking-lujah!!!!!!  I called Micky and she was happy with the number, but seemed removed.  Situations like this (disappointment) she does not handle well.  The rest of the night she seemed detached and emotionally exhausted. I felt really bad.  I had cramping for the remaining of the night.  I woke up today feeling pretty good.  Went through my pregnancy checklist… boobs hurt -check, peeing through the night – check, boobs weigh a ton – check, and an added symptom today… indigestion  CHECK!!.  

Just about 30 mins ago… I started cramping like when I had the egg transfer.  I ran to the bathroom to see faint blood when I wiped and some blood in the toilet!  I called the doctor they said I can go in and take another blood test or wait it out.  I am suppose to get the ultrasound on Monday.  I am upset, sad, scared and crampy.  I am worried.  I am sooooo worried.  Not sure if I should run to take a test or just wait it out.  All I know is I have cramps and I am spotting bleeding … I don’t know something.  Any words of hope would be appreciated or experience   This did not happen last time.  Counting the Calendar I am 5weeks and 3 days pregnant.

I love my girls soooo much! The love between the two of them warms my heart!!!

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